We are in the middle of mercury retrograde and eclipse season. I have felt these sudden shifts to my core. Ever since I began my spiritual awakening, I have began paying close attention to certain things. One of them being eclipse season and what it clears for me. I had quite the realization of some pretty heavy shit I still need to work through and clear. That my friends, is the beauty of life. You’re work is never done. Once you have taken the plunge to really live your life’s purpose and work on yourself, there are always things to clear. In my case, it’s my relationship with my mother.
I want to begin by saying, I absolutely adore my mother. Our communication has not always been its best. It’s curious really, my higher self, my guides, god (yes, god or creator. I do believe in a higher power), angels all decided to switch the light bulb on to make me realize something. On the work that I have left to do. I am barely getting the grasp of astrology. I still don’t understand it fully but I am beginning to be able to follow along and pay attention to certain patterns.
It started with a simple disagreement between my mother and I. It turned into a full blown argument. No yelling on my part, I have gotten better at that; but I became so caught up in the moment, that certain things were brought up. I don’t know if its just first generation kids who have this issue with their parents. I noticed that for us, kids of immigrants, our upbringing is exactly how it would be if we would have been born in the mother land. As children, we’re exposed to the “American Way” of doing things and come up with our own concept of what we think is correct. It’s a blend of both worlds, a representation of us. That’s when things go askew. My mother’s defense mechanism, what she was taught, was to take arguments in a painful route. What I mean by that, she immediately goes for the jugular, insults are said, she brings up the past, and a language of complete belittlement.
It’s what she was taught from my grandmother. I don’t put the blame on her but what I will hold her accountable for is for repeating the pattern. She is in her 70s… generationally speaking we don’t really understand each other. My fault was perhaps critiquing her too harshly. In trying to make her realize the language that she was using… I began to question her in a way that made her more agitated. Then I proceeded to ask what s the point of living in the past? It does no good to bring up the past, you cant change it. What’s done is done.
So what did I learn? You can’t change those who refuse to change. My mother is not willing to change that part of herself. Her excuse is “ I’m 71, if I didn’t change back then, why should I now?”. For myself, it’s not a valid argument. I am a true believer that humans should change no matter what age. To evolve is to grow. When you meet or have someone in your life who is not budging, all I can do is take a page from Jesus and turn the other cheek. That was my lesson, to break an old pattern that cause unnecessary trauma. To accept that she will not break that pattern and all I can do is be better and learn to be humble, bite my tongue or just simply walk away.
I thank god, my guides, angels for the guidance. To able to see this during a mercury retrograde and eclipse season. It showed me the shadow work that I still have to do with myself. It also showed me how to be better understanding and further accept that some things won’t change but I can still be compassionate and loving through it all. We’re just at the beginning.
Be gentle with yourself, love yourself through the process. This is not easy, its not meant to be easy. It will show you things about yourself and you’ll cry but just remember. You need to get through the bad stuff to grow more beautifully. Learn from the Phoenix, we are all being reborn from the ashes.
A Thing Called Life 