In a year that has felt chaotic, I have turned the focus inward. As my walls of what I considered “normal” suddenly crumbled and I lost my footing and almost fell into the abyss, I hugged myself. I was completely ripped open, broke to pieces and still was able to move along with the help of some amazing friends and family. It’s no secret that this year has been hard for everyone. It has also been in the strangest of way a breath of fresh air. Before you roll your eyes and quite possibly click away hear me out. As we near the year that many people can’t wait to forget I chose to be grateful.
The year promised to be my best one yet with plans of travel in the forefront as well as personal growth. Suddenly I was surprised with a pandemic that put not only a pause but brought the fear of possible layoffs. When that happened it turned into remorse because I had survived the cut and then the added pressure of meeting the needs of doing the job of several people to “prove” that I deserved to stay in case more layoffs were to come. I became so filled with anxiety and stress that therapy was needed. I almost had to go on medical leave. It wasn’t until I was able to get some help that I realized that I could flip the script.
I thought I had gone through my spiritual awakening when I decided to go back to my roots and practice regla osha. I did to a certain extent but the world was going to show me that I needed to go deeper. The reality is that when it comes to self growth and living a more spiritually awakened life; the work is never done. You’re always growing and changing. Isn’t that what life is really about? Life is about growing and evolving! Can you imagine how boring and terrifying it would be if you were stuck in certain period unable to change and move forward?
I honestly believed 2020 was the universe’ way to realize our fears and really step into our power. It was a year of reflection among all of the division and the chaos. The world is quite angry and divided now more than ever. I have learned as much as it is great to use your voice to express your opinions and hold people accountable; I can’t control anyone at all. I can only control and change myself. In order to inspire others you must be accountable for your own actions and ideas. “As is the micro…as is the macro”. Haven’t you realized that arguments aren’t won by yelling?
So I turned inward broke my persona and called out my own biases. I challenged my ego and became friends with my inner child and apologized for how I hurt her, for how other people hurt her. I celebrated her spirit and her innocence. I celebrated my determination to always push forward. I learned to let my intuition and my ancestors take the lead. It’s the hardest practice that I will forever be an eternal student.
As I write this down– I see how much I have grown and I realize this wasn’t such a bad year after all. I reconnected with myself. In fact 2020 has turned out to be the best year yet… just as I had hoped for.
Look inward, celebrate being able to be alive! Notice that the natural world has not disrupted the familiar cycle. Its reassuring. Be the light and shower everyone in just love. Even those that criticize, love them through it all. When you shine so bright… it causes those who refuse to do the work to be afraid and try to damper something that is so vibrant and beautiful. Do not damper your brilliance.
A Thing Called Life 